1) Don't play with your food.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
2) When you are after revenge, it is probably best to just stick with the people (or descendants thereof) who wronged you. And make them first on your list. While killing their friends and neighbors might be fun and all, it really is pointless and only alerts those you were originally after that something is going on and usually the time to figure out the who, what, why and how.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
3) If it won't put the lotion on its skin, it gets the hose again.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
4) If you are involved in nefarious affairs involving a wax museum and your very "realistic" sculptures, be sure to place a cover over that giant pot of boiling wax. If you don't, you can be sure that you are going to be taking a very hot bath.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
5) Keep a cat handy and train it to jump and scream for no apparent reason. When stalking your prey, you can put the cat in the cupboard, cabinet, or closet and sit back and wait. As they probe about the house, their attention is at their peak. They are bound to stumble upon the cat and after it gives them a good scare, it relieves a lot of the tension and they’ll drop their guard. Then you strike.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
6) If it's your first time out, do everything possible to make yourself stand out from the crowd. Be witty or exceptionally malicious, creative in your killing and/or wear a really cool costume – Make people remember you. That way, if you do get killed, some moron punk will "accidentally" resurrect you for the sequel.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
7) In the case when your prey does get the upper hand on you and you go down – stay down, act like you are dead and wait. They will come close to make sure you are really dead. They always do. When they kick or poke you, hit them fast and hard. Use this as a last resort only, because in this exposed state not everyone makes it out alive.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
8) So your body was recently taken over by an outside force and your own only goal now is to "convert" everyone else, just don’t bother trying to tell those you want to change how great it is and how everything is so much better. They won't listen. Brute force will work for some, but not all. Think it through. Maybe a good PowerPoint presentation would help.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
9) If your goal is to hunt the "most dangerous game" and you choose human beings, you need to give it some more thought. Because come on... They spend hours in front of a mirror and waste their lives away in front of television sets. I mean, have you watched Jerry Springer lately or can you totally believe that Brad dumped Jennifer?
Submitted By TheCabinet |
10) If you have supernatural abilities, there really is no point in chasing your prey now is there?
Submitted By TheCabinet |
11) Burying your victims is generally a good idea for sanitary reasons, but be sure to put some extra effort into leveling off the ground. A five or six feet long mound of dirt is a bit obvious and really defeats the purpose.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
12) Put amulets, crystals, or orbs that will destroy you or take away your powers when smashed in a very discreet, locked place. If you don’t have it in your possession yet, make it your first priority to get it. The fun can come later.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
13) Vampires - Keep plenty of sunscreen around.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
14) Stay with the times. Caller ID and *69 have really put a damper on that whole taunt your victims over the phone thing.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
15) Remember: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
16) Though she may bear an uncanny resemblance, the girl you are obsessing over is not the reincarnation of your long lost lover. Stop staring at that old painting on the wall or picture in the locket and stay focused on the task at hand or this weakness that you are displaying will be your end.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
17) Be nice to your assistants. Loyalties can and will be tested.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
18) Just because you think you are immortal doesn't mean that you really are. Stop bragging about it or someone will figure out a way to take you out just to shut you up.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
19) When you have your prey cornered, don't stop to explain why or how you did what you did and just kill them already. Why you are extrapolating about your sinister plan and marvelous execution, they'll use the time to look around and find something that will quickly bring about a premature end to those plans.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
20) Friend good. Fire bad.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
21) You've waited a long time for the stars to align in a way that man hasn't seen and won't see for another century. The plan worked perfectly. You have your sacrifice tied down and the cutlery is in order. Everything is going smoothly. Why would you endanger all of your hard work and keep an unwilling third party around? Is having them around because they "have to bare witness" to what is about to happen really worth the potential problems?
Submitted By TheCabinet |
22) When you have taken over a body and have his former loved ones right where you want them, don't give the opportunity to try to appeal to that soul that "is in there somewhere."
Submitted By TheCabinet |
23) Campers trying to hide in their sleeping bags right next to a really big tree can be a lot of fun.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
24) If you transmit your evil over the form of a video tape, in hopes that it gets widely distributed, you may really want to consider getting a DVD burner. VCRs are on their way out and your only potential victims will just be the over 50 crowd that still haven't figured out to stop the VCR clock from flashing, much less are interested in watching that videotape that is rumored to kill everyone who has watched it.
Submitted By TheCabinet |
25) Keep it simple stupid: old folks don't run very fast, infants are always virgins and don't mess with the pretty ones because someone will notice when the prom queen is gone.
Submitted By RBJ |
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